Personal responsibility and manipulative people
I was reading Ezekiel today, and it was about personal responsibility. I think it is good to remember that we are responsible for our decisions and for our relationship to the Lord. Although that sounds a little grim at first, it's a good thing to remember when life seems complicated and overwhelming. God is not going to judge you for the sins of your parents.
If you are Christian, you are saved through Jesus for your own sins. Your parents' sins were never your responsibility. Let's take a look at that verse:
The Lord spoke to me and said, "What is this proverb people keep repeating in the land of Israel?
'The parents ate the sour grapes,
But the children got the sour taste.'
"As surely as I am the living God," says the Sovereign Lord, "you will not repeat this proverb in Israel any more. The life of every person belongs to me, the life of the parent as well as that of the child. The person who sins is the one who will die.
Ezekiel 18: 1 - 4
We live in a fallen world due to original sin from Adam and Eve. Yet their debt is not on us forever until it's paid, which we anyway cannot do on our own. We can still be saved and join God and Jesus in heaven. There is a place prepared for us there, if we are willing to accept it.
In the meantime though, life can seem confusing. I'm talking not just about spiritual decisions but everyday life decisions. Life is messy and not always clean-cut. Ultimately though, one simplifying thing is to consider if something is your primary responsibility or not. While it's a good thing to help a friend or neighbor if you can do so, it's not your responsibility to take all their problems on as your own. It can be difficult to strike an appropriate balance between helping others while at the same time looking after your own needs (physically, emotionally, and spiritually).
If this is an area you struggle with, be sure to pray about things.
Also it helps to consider the ramifications. For example, it is ideal to offer an elderly neighbor a ride with you to the grocery store on a snowy day so they can get their groceries safely. On the other hand, if your friend asks you to co-sign his mortgage, it's usually best to say no - you'd be putting yourself at financial and legal liability if he were unable or unwilling to make the payments one day.
Anything with large ramifications such as co-signing a mortgage, it's quite OK to say no, and you should never feel guilty about doing so. There are even some Bible verses on that.
Whoever puts up security for a stranger will surely suffer harm,
but he who hates striking hands in pledge is secure.
Proverbs 11: 25
Be not one of those who give pledges,
who put up security for debts.
Proverbs 22: 26
What I am saying, although not as clearly as I'd like, is that ultimately, your responsibilities and problems are yours to deal with, and likewise, other people's responsibilities and problems are theirs.
You are responsible for your spiritual development and your relationship with God, for working your job, for looking after your kids, and both spouses have a responsibility toward each other. Outside of that, it's wonderful if you can help others, but it's not part of your primary responsibilities.
Now, I'm not saying that everyone ignore everyone else's illnesses or emergencies (the Bible says that we should help our neighbors).
Anything outside of the primary responsibilities mentioned above is something you can choose to do to help. Yet it is optional. It's not something that you kind of "have to" do - the other person should have no expectation that you will do that. This is particularly important to remember if you are dealing with a manipulative or toxic person.
If someone is trying to manipulate you, that is a red flag, and you don't want to let them think it's OK to treat you that way. You are doing a kindness to them (not solely to yourself) when you make it clear what's OK and what's not in the way they treat you.
God wants our relationships to be a harmonious 2-way street. If someone is trying to control you or your actions, then for the moment keep away from them (just say you are busy and are unavailable) and use that time to pray for wisdom and discernment in dealing with that person. And continue to pray for that. It may be that God will take that person away somewhere else, or it may be that He guides you in ways to deal with that person. Rest assured God does not want you caught in a toxic relationship, whether it's a friendship, acquaintance or romantic relationship.
If you found this post interesting, you may also like these related posts on this blog:
If you are Christian, you are saved through Jesus for your own sins. Your parents' sins were never your responsibility. Let's take a look at that verse:
The Lord spoke to me and said, "What is this proverb people keep repeating in the land of Israel?
'The parents ate the sour grapes,
But the children got the sour taste.'
"As surely as I am the living God," says the Sovereign Lord, "you will not repeat this proverb in Israel any more. The life of every person belongs to me, the life of the parent as well as that of the child. The person who sins is the one who will die.
Ezekiel 18: 1 - 4
We live in a fallen world due to original sin from Adam and Eve. Yet their debt is not on us forever until it's paid, which we anyway cannot do on our own. We can still be saved and join God and Jesus in heaven. There is a place prepared for us there, if we are willing to accept it.
In the meantime though, life can seem confusing. I'm talking not just about spiritual decisions but everyday life decisions. Life is messy and not always clean-cut. Ultimately though, one simplifying thing is to consider if something is your primary responsibility or not. While it's a good thing to help a friend or neighbor if you can do so, it's not your responsibility to take all their problems on as your own. It can be difficult to strike an appropriate balance between helping others while at the same time looking after your own needs (physically, emotionally, and spiritually).
If this is an area you struggle with, be sure to pray about things.
Also it helps to consider the ramifications. For example, it is ideal to offer an elderly neighbor a ride with you to the grocery store on a snowy day so they can get their groceries safely. On the other hand, if your friend asks you to co-sign his mortgage, it's usually best to say no - you'd be putting yourself at financial and legal liability if he were unable or unwilling to make the payments one day.
Anything with large ramifications such as co-signing a mortgage, it's quite OK to say no, and you should never feel guilty about doing so. There are even some Bible verses on that.
Whoever puts up security for a stranger will surely suffer harm,
but he who hates striking hands in pledge is secure.
Proverbs 11: 25
Be not one of those who give pledges,
who put up security for debts.
Proverbs 22: 26
What I am saying, although not as clearly as I'd like, is that ultimately, your responsibilities and problems are yours to deal with, and likewise, other people's responsibilities and problems are theirs.
You are responsible for your spiritual development and your relationship with God, for working your job, for looking after your kids, and both spouses have a responsibility toward each other. Outside of that, it's wonderful if you can help others, but it's not part of your primary responsibilities.
Now, I'm not saying that everyone ignore everyone else's illnesses or emergencies (the Bible says that we should help our neighbors).
Anything outside of the primary responsibilities mentioned above is something you can choose to do to help. Yet it is optional. It's not something that you kind of "have to" do - the other person should have no expectation that you will do that. This is particularly important to remember if you are dealing with a manipulative or toxic person.
If someone is trying to manipulate you, that is a red flag, and you don't want to let them think it's OK to treat you that way. You are doing a kindness to them (not solely to yourself) when you make it clear what's OK and what's not in the way they treat you.
God wants our relationships to be a harmonious 2-way street. If someone is trying to control you or your actions, then for the moment keep away from them (just say you are busy and are unavailable) and use that time to pray for wisdom and discernment in dealing with that person. And continue to pray for that. It may be that God will take that person away somewhere else, or it may be that He guides you in ways to deal with that person. Rest assured God does not want you caught in a toxic relationship, whether it's a friendship, acquaintance or romantic relationship.
If you found this post interesting, you may also like these related posts on this blog:
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